Not choosing is still a choice. And sometimes, that choice, the choice of silence, passivity, staying stuck becomes the most dangerous one of all.

Let’s call it what it is: waiting isn’t peace. It’s paralysis.

Maybe you've said things like:

“I don’t want to rock the boat.”

“Today feels better than yesterday. Maybe this week will be different.”

“It’s not that bad right now.”

But deep down? You’re holding your breath.

And that wait? It’s exhausting. It wears you down.

If you’re holding your breath, waiting for your loved one to get sober—believing that when they do, everything will finally be okay—you’re not alone. I used to think the same way. I told myself that if only he would change, then I could finally breathe, relax, and feel safe again.

But what I didn’t realise at the time was that I was putting my own healing on hold. I was waiting for his recovery to lead mine, as if everything depended on him. And when that didn’t happen the way I expected, the resentment, exhaustion, and disappointment hit even harder.

The power of pausing in communication will transform your conversations, particularly in challenging situations like addiction and recovery. Pausing allows for a thoughtful response instead of a reactive one, leading to more aligned and kind behaviour. It promotes active listening, and reduces miscommunication and contributes to building trust and self-regulation. It is so important to not only use the right words in a conversation, but equally knowing when to not have a conversation and the value of silence.