What If Waiting Is the Most Dangerous Choice You’re Making?
Not choosing is still a choice. And sometimes, that choice, the choice of silence, passivity, staying stuck becomes the most dangerous one of all.
Let’s call it what it is: waiting isn’t peace. It’s paralysis.
Maybe you've said things like:
“I don’t want to rock the boat.”
“Today feels better than yesterday. Maybe this week will be different.”
“It’s not that bad right now.”
But deep down? You’re holding your breath.
And that wait? It’s exhausting. It wears you down.
Why waiting for Them to change might be holding You back
If you’re holding your breath, waiting for your loved one to get sober—believing that when they do, everything will finally be okay—you’re not alone. I used to think the same way. I told myself that if only he would change, then I could finally breathe, relax, and feel safe again.
But what I didn’t realise at the time was that I was putting my own healing on hold. I was waiting for his recovery to lead mine, as if everything depended on him. And when that didn’t happen the way I expected, the resentment, exhaustion, and disappointment hit even harder.
The Power of the Pause
The power of pausing in communication will transform your conversations, particularly in challenging situations like addiction and recovery. Pausing allows for a thoughtful response instead of a reactive one, leading to more aligned and kind behaviour. It promotes active listening, and reduces miscommunication and contributes to building trust and self-regulation. It is so important to not only use the right words in a conversation, but equally knowing when to not have a conversation and the value of silence.
I'M AMANDA.
I am possibly not your typical person sitting in this seat of an addiction relationship coach… I was a corporate accountant through and through, I studied 4 years at university and then went on to get my professional certifications. It was while in my corporate career and new Mum(Mom) life that I stumbled into a crazy world, where I was confused more often than not and slowly my life became unrecognisable and unmanageable. But I was ‘smart’ so surely I should be able to figure it out by myself (because I daren’t speak to anyone about it… no way) But I couldn’t figure it out… Whatever I thought would help, or what made sense to me, didn’t help, in fact it sometimes made things worse.
I was at breaking point, and so I reached out for help. And it took years of trial and error, “help” that wasn’t helpful, “help” that was judgement, “help” that felt really ick and shaming, “help” that caused more damage in my relationship… until I finally pieced together what worked and what actually helped.
I know you are a capable and lovely switched on person. I know you care deeply about those around you and I know you want life to be better than what it is now. I’ve been there, and I can help. All my program resources, tools and strategies are founded in kindness and evidenced based practices that are proven to help - I wanted that and I know you do too.
I am here because spouses and families deserve better support. Support that actually helps. And when spouses and families get better support, everyone wins.
Not sure what to do next? Let’s chat about it and talk it through together.